A Mother’s Day Apology

Dear Mom, this Mother’s day I would like to apologize.
There are so many things I need to apologize for now that I have children of my own. I’m so sorry about these things, but why on earth did you not tell me this stuff back then so I would see the error of my ways and be less likely to encounter it these days?

June 82

I’m sorry for fussing about how close a sibling was sitting in the backseat of the car. There were only 3 of us back there, plenty of room, I now know. I don’t know why it mattered if they were sitting a half inch on my side of the seam or touching my dress.

I’m sorry for picking petty arguments with one of the brothers just because I was bored. I know your brain was probably on overload after getting us all ready for church on time and then I had to go and pester one of them all the way to church. And the crying, I’m sorry for all the crying when he would then turn around and pinch me. It was really my own fault, my apologies.

I’m sorry for hiding in the bathroom with my book and pretending I didn’t hear you call, even when you were right outside the door. I know now I should have been at your beck and call waiting for another job.

I’m sorry for making the lunch dishes take h-o-u-r-s with my piddling around. If only I had listened and just hurried to get them done so I could go play, like you suggested. Instead, I whined, fussed and complained about the horridness of the job and how long it was taking. I humbly apologize and every time my children do this with their modern day dishwasher, I repent again.

Grandma chicken
I am also sorry for ruining every photo you have of me.
This must have been when you had to cut the gum out of my hair!

I am deeply contrite for all the times I fussed, whined, complained or wailed about my hair and my clothes. ( although it appears ^^ as if I had a just reason) I should have appreciated the fact that you combed my hair every morning and had nice clean clothing available for me. But no-o-o-o, instead my hair were too tight or too loose, too high or too low and if none of the above, then they pulled up front or felt weird in the back or just looked ugly that day. When I finally forgot about my hair, then my clothes weren’t right. The socks were itchy, they were tight or too loose, the toes of the socks didn’t fit right inside the shoe and I hated how the knee socks felt behind my knee. The dress was either too long or short, the sleeves pinched, the elastic was twisted, I didn’t like the color, or it just didn’t f-e-e-l right. And my shoes, they were so old and floppy, too cold or hot, too tight or loose and not as cool as my friend’s. Then, of course, the Velcro straps didn’t close tight enough or the ties were just not, not, not, quite right. I apologize for crying when the lace loops were not the same length. I am so sorry. All of this and more has come back for me.

TN-47

And eating, I’m really sorry about not eating everything you put on my plate without fussing. I know it was all good and healthy for me and I should have just happily eaten away. I now realize how many hours you put into a meal and then to have me sit there and say I don’t like it, well, I really shouldn’t have. Cook for me again and I promise to eat it all without complaining.

I humbly ask your forgiveness for all the wailing that occurred when it was time to pick up toys. As I recall, I was never the one who dumped the toy box, or the Legos or spread the doll clothes all over the room. The mere thought of picking up one toy every five minutes produced copious amounts of tears and now I do regret that. I should have grabbed handfuls and been done in five minutes instead of dragging it out for hours.

kids games

I cringe thinking about all the glares and snappy remarks, and even pinches and hits, over my sibling’s noises, such as chewing, tapping, humming or the kicking of my chair. My bad, I should have just let it slide, especially when they would make a face from across the table, put their foot on the bar below where my foot was really supposed to be or patted my shoulder on their way passed. So many regrets.

And one really big one that I need to apologize for, although I’m not sure if it should be to you or Dad because I learned it from him. The whistling, I am so sorry for all the hours I spent in your hearing trying to learn to whistle. It pains me to recall this as I listen to mine try to develop this trait.

Kids (2)

Apologetically I say this, but I recall sending younger siblings in to ask permission for something because I was quite sure you would give me a job and them a yes for our proposed mission. I’m sure there was work I could have helped with instead of sneaking off to the creek, cabin or the barn to avoid it.

I’m sorry for the grudging way I help with the jobs I hated, like butchering chickens. I should have been happy, cheerful and ready to work. I also apologize for all the grumbling when you made me re-do a job so it would be done right. I vividly remember having to wash the car three times to get it completely clean. Why didn’t you tell me you were teaching me a good lesson for later in life?

Sami wash

And while I’m at it, I really should apologize for the bad attitude about working in the turkey barn, but I can’t because I still feel that way.

This one I do not remember, but I am sure it happened at some point in time. I am sorry for not wanting to take a nap. Why ever did I fight with you about something that now looks so wonderful? I promise to take enough now to make up for all the days I didn’t want one back then.

Why didn’t you explain this to me back then and warn me that a better behavior would be in order because having children of my own would cause a repeat of my childhood actions and I would regret so very many things? Should I prompt my children to read this in hopes of them not repeating this with their children? Or shall I just let them deal with it when their time comes?

Mom & I

I am deeply indebted to you for all you have done for me. Thank you, Mom, for loving me so well and putting such a huge effort forth in teaching and training me as a child. I have come a long way because of your efforts. at least I hope.

 I love you.

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