And A Little of June

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June, in all its glory, is a blissful month for many reasons. Warmth, sunshine, greenery, no school, water time, family time, birthdays, longest days of the year, no snow, fresh veggies, strawberries, raspberries, ball games, and a million blades of grass to mow. I won’t list all mine, make your own list of loveliness.

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Amazingly, they have become friends. He is more gentle with her than any of us. Not amazing at all is the fact that my relationship with him is still a little rocky. Days when he plays with the kids and they love it, I’m all cool with having him outside my door. Other days when I find half of the front porch chewed up in the driveway, I am not cool at all.

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As far as weddings go, this one was fun. I’ll now suggest a fun golf course with carts to any bride, so long as the men leave the clubs at home.

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We have formed our own little biker gang and we all ride together. Grandma’s lawn usually receives top-notch care until we get started, after that it just kind of looks like a race track. There are a few rules to the riding and so far everyone has stayed safe. The biggest casualty is running out of gas and having to walk back to the house.

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This is the spot where memories are made. There were sleepovers, fires, marshmallows, hotdogs, bike rides, stories, more stories, and lots of laughter and fun. Years from now I hope this little gang will look back and say, “Remember one time at the cabin when…”
My siblings and I grew up with a cabin and pond farther back in the field and we have lots of good memories playing there.  Although Tristan never lived to see this cabin, he is very much a part of us when we are there. Invariably when the kids all pile in for a sleepover and I am trying to get them to settle down, one will say, “Tell us stories, stories about Tris.” and so I do. We take walks down memory’s lane and recall all the things we did when I was a kid. My memories come alive for them and he lives on in them through me. Tell your children your stories, keep the memories alive.

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I do believe she wouldn’t mind having more than one birthday a year so she could dream up and create another cake. She spent the entire day doing what she loves, stirring around in the kitchen.

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Only go camping on the hottest weekend of the year if you have a huge fan!

There are times in a person’s life when events unfold that directly affect them, yet it is not their story to tell. Such is the case in my life right now. I have not told you, simply because it was not my story to tell.

Since Tristan’s death, you have followed along with my life and the journey of grief I have been on. What you are not partial to is the rest of my family and their journey, their story is not my story to share.

In 2015 our family lost a member, this year we gained a new one. It was a bittersweet day in June when Lisa married Laverne. The mixture of emotions is something that you cannot explain. There were tears for the past and what all we have been through, yet there were also smiles and joy for the present and the future. We are happy for them and we welcome Laverne into our family.

Our grieving is not over just because of these changes. Grieving changes along with you and hangs around for the rest of your life. In some ways the weekend was hard, we missed Tris so very much, yet we can also say the weekend was good.

Through all this, all my mind continually went back to a song I heard about God writing my story. “Is there room in my heart for God to write His story?” Am I willing to allow Him to orchestrate my life in a way so my story will bring Him glory?

Life may not turn out exactly as I had planned, but if I allow God to be the author of my story, life will turn out exactly as He has planned.

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June Days

Is it getting close to the end of June already?
I’m afraid I’ll wake up one of these days and school will be starting next week. Some days I would welcome it, I tell you. The amount of noise and squabbling  around here is deafening. Advice welcomed on this issue.

Other days, this summer life is quite nice.
I have lots of help, but the poking, prodding and prompting to get the jobs done swallows up all the extra time I should have from them helping. Other days with the promise of a beach trip, they can whip things into shape quickly.

TLOFM June (1)

//- This child keeps life interesting. Her emotions are all over the place in true female fashion. We go from falling on the floor howling over the smallest thing (yes, my kid does that sometimes) to catching, holding and laughing at her favorite animal!

TLOFM June (2)

She was very impressed with this guy!
“I found a new fwiend. He’s my biggest fwog.”

TLOFM June (3)

//- A few weeks ago we met and spent hours eating and talking.
It was the best of times and just what I needed.
It’s been long enough that I now I need another night like this.

TLOFM June (7)

//- On one of those beach trips …
these two, they rarely fight, are always so glad to see each other, but this day, this day they fought. They fought over the absolute, most ridiculous thing to fight about at the beach. Sand! Yes, sand. They fought over sand!

Aren’t our “adult fights” usually over trivial issues too?

//- The other days Reagan says, “I would kind of like to learn to mow.”
My reply, “The thought of you on the mower makes my liver quiver!”

However we did give her a few driving lessons in the lane.
Nothing close to the house though, to be sure!

 TLOFM June (4)

//- The garage … is coming along at its own pace. It’s a little farther along then when this photo was taken, but it’s the last one I have. This is the only time the kids helped since the roof was fairly flat back here. Me on the other hand, not much help at all.

I will not be disappointed if this project is completely finished in the next 5 years, or maybe I should put that out to 8 or 10 years. I am not complaining, just telling you so you don’t expect it to be done in 2 months.

//- Swimming classes every morning for two weeks. The son/fish is the only one in class from this family, so it is going well. Most of the time he doesn’t hear what his instructor is saying because he’s under water doing donuts .

TLOFM June (5)

//- When you are traveling and come around the corner to this!
And then you look out to your right and see this!
TLOFM June (6)
Most of the traffic was parked along the shoulder and all the passengers had their phones out. I joined them.

//- This house of mine. The insane amount of clutter that can build up in no time flat is simply amazing. Who are these people that drop it and where in the world does it come from? It seems like I could spend hours every day putting stuff away. Or if I had my wish, throwing stuff away. sigh. We have too much stuff I do believe. What is your clutter spot? Or shall I say “spots” because we have a lot more then one here. The end of the table, the island, the desk and every end table in the living room.

After the Rain

//- It stormed one evening a week or so ago. Eric left when it stopped raining and texted to tell me to go look at the sunset. Going to look at the sunset here does not meaning stepping out onto the porch, it means leaving our circle of trees. So, I grabbed my camera and drove down the road … it was worth it!! While I sat there and watched, it was constantly changing, the clouds, the colors and the beauty.

It has a profound meaning for me after thinking about the last eight months we’ve been through. Will there be beauty after our rain? It doesn’t seem like it is possible, but God has a way of doing what we think impossible.

TLOFM June (10)

//- Most of the time when you have a birthday, you want someone to bake you a cake. Not so here. She couldn’t wait for this, or decide which cake to make for herself.

TLOFM June (12)

We have a teenager in the house.
I distinctly remember her being born yesterday!

Look closely, the braces worn for three years are now gone!!
I told her that was her birthday gift. 😀
Happy girl, even happier Mom!

TLOFM June (14)

The chosen cake was not of my choosing, to be sure.
Chocolate fudge with coffee, chocolate cream cheese filling,
topped off with cool whip and a splash of coffee stirred in.
Whew!

TLOFM June (13)

//- Mothers of sons… a question. The teasing, tormenting, aggravating, pestering, laughing, wrestling and picking on sisters … will it ever end?
If you say it will continue to get worse, I may just leap out of the screen and grab you!

His quote of the day a few weeks ago.
We were traveling and he was B O R E D again.
I asked if he had looked at all his books?
“Y E S – Y E S –  Y E S”
said in his best robot voice.
“Did you find everything in your I SPY books?” I asked.
“Yeah, but they forgot to put some stuff in!”

TLOFM June (9)

//- Life lately … let’s just say there are okay weeks, and then there are ugly weeks. We are on an ugly stretch right now. The struggle is real. It is daily.  The waves come and go but the surf never ends.

Grief is like the ocean;
it comes in waves,
ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm,
sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can learn to do is swim.
-Vicki Harrison

Father’s day weekend spent with three fatherless children is tough. There just isn’t much more to say about it. It brings a heartache like I’ve never felt before.

At times like this I just want to go out and scream, “WHY?” I know in my head that I need to be okay without knowing why, that God’s way is best, but it’s just taking my heart a lot longer to get to that point.

TLOFM June (15)

Part of my problem right now may be due to the fact that I have a birthday coming up and I am kicking and screaming on the inside at the thought of having a birthday without him. I have had a few without him, three to be exact, but it was the three I don’t remember. All the other years he was around to help celebrate or give me a call.
He would call and after my hello, he would clear his throat and begin his wild amazing rendition of “Happy birthday!” No matter how much you interrupted or tried to get him to stop, he continued belting it out all the way to the very last note, and then he would laugh and want to know what’s happening today!
I will miss that this year.

 

You can’t stop the waves
but you can learn to surf.

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