Of Spring, Vaction, and Grief

Winter seems to be struggling to allow Spring take over. Like a post I saw, “Winter keeps sticking its head back in the door and yelling, “And one more thing…”
I am not a fan of being cold, but what can I say? “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.”  He’s taking it away today and hopefully soon it will start warming, but for now, we are surviving this “Sprinter.”

Winter D

I feel like I’ve been struggling too. Winter blues kind of had/has a grip on me and I can’t seem to shake them. I have a myriad of things that are calling my name but I can’t seem to accomplish any of them. Painting. Sewing. Spring cleaning. << whaaat is that?

Confession: That last one, Spring cleaning, my house doesn’t even know what that is anymore.  It seriously does me no good to clean the entire house from top to bottom. By the time I get done with one end, the other end is hosting eight-legged creatures building new webs. It works better to do one room at a time and stretch it out over the entire year. At least I always have at least one clean room this way. maybe. kinda.
So there ya have it. I don’t Spring clean.

FL (1)

FL (2)

We attended a few Florida sunsets for Spring Break. It was nice to feel warmth when you stepped out the door. Warm being a relative term while we were there. To the Northerners, it was warm but to the natives, it felt coo-oold.

FL (3)

FL (4)

Life at the beach has changed. It used to be awful. Little kids crying and rubbing sand in their eyes. Carrying a ton of things in while urging a toddler to keep moving. Digging holes in the sand, carrying water, building a castle only to watch them smash it. Someone usually cried from lack of sleep, someone was cold, someone was hot. Food, food, food to drag along, well that one still remains, but for the most part, going to the beach is a lot easier then it used to be.

We take as little as possible. I unload the vehicle and by the time each kid has something to carry, there is very little left for me. Granted, this time we did have my sister and her little tribe along, but it still went very smoothly and I could tolerate a few hours sitting there. I am not a beach lover in case you wondered.

FL (5)

The days we weren’t at the beach, this guy spent hours here. Toward the end of the week, the weather cooled considerably, but that didn’t stop him. One morning he was swimming and the air temperature was 59 degrees. The water was pretty warm and he claimed as long as he didn’t get out to jump, he was fine. But he still kept getting out to jump…

FL (6)

It felt so good to spend time with these two ladies in Florida. Yes, we did all the usual kid-care, meal stuff, and laundry while on vacation, but still, to stay in the same house and spend a week together was just good. I value times like this so much.

It wasn’t that we were all there and he was the only one missing, there were others back at home, but still, we all missed Tristan fiercely that week. He would have loved to hear what all was happening, he would have probably been calling in the morning before we were out of bed and just been a big part of the trip, even from home.  It’s time like these that realize you will spend the rest of your life living with this grief. Yes, it changes, it ebbs and flows with different feels, but it will always be there.

My first choice would have been to live life not knowing what this feels like. Since that is not an option, I am glad to carry this weight, to live with this grief, because feeling this means I was privileged to know and love him. I would not trade the years I spent with him to live without this grief.

Grief-love

Live your life so you will long be remembered with love.

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Little Ones Moments

Backing up to the first of March,
we were in Florida over Spring Break.
I figured since Kennedy had just turned 2,
I could take her 2 year picture quite easily down there.
Nada.
This mother forgot to take into consideration
the simple fact that she was dealing was a 2 year old.

I won’t even tell you how many pictures I took that night,
and not one was a nice, “Look at me and smile” photo.
So, we used what we had and you could just
call it, “A typical 2 year old photo shoot.”
Summed up nicely into one word
it would be called, “RUN!”

Even though she was less then cooperative,
I don’t want to forget those moments,
how she ran, wouldn’t look, ignored me,
but boy, did she enjoy herself!

FL (25)

When we would go to the beach during the day, she hated it!!
Sat on a chair or towel under the umbrella almost all the time.
In the evenings, she was a different child, she loved it.
We have since figured out, she dislikes anything hot.
The sun was hot and so she sat.

FL (22)
{May I never forget this soft little hair}

FL (26)
Oh, the sea weed, how she loved that stuff.

FL (28)
She found a little pile and played for a long time.
Her Daddy checked on her….
FL (29)
…and she would have been happy to share.
FL (31)
When I asked her about it,
I got a very real smile, seaweed, gum in her mouth and all!
This was the only picture with a genuine smile.

Right now she stands behind my chair yelling,
“That’s me, Mama! I have yuckies.”

FL (33)

She loved to run, so when he offered, she was willing.
If the water got to close, she was running the other way.
She had an awful fear of the water.

FL (34)

She stopped often to check out shells in the sand.
Thankfully she doesn’t want to bring them all home. {yet}

I wanted just 1 picture of all 4 of them…
FL (12)
…but every few seconds she would turn around and yell,
“Waa waa is coming!!”
She was so scared that water was going to get her.

FL (38)

She found a sand castle someone had made.
After sizing it up for awhile,
she destroyed it in a grand 2 year old fashion.

FL - Daddy's hand

And when she thought she was left behind,
Daddy was there to take her hand.
She licked her tears and felt safe holding his hand.

I pray she puts as much energy
into Jesus someday as she does into life today!

Question of the day:
Doesn’t this make you want to have a 2 year old?

Sunshine & Sickness

I need some Florida sunshine on this day.
Some warm FL sun.

116)

The sun is shining here but it’s not warm enough and
I’ve been holding a sick baby since Wed night.
We went to the Dr today.
No answers.

359

She has been struggling with a fever
and it does not make her the most pleasant little person.
Nights are less the stellar.
So we hold her.
A lot.

My eye lids…
they just want to slide shut today.
What me think I could stay up until after midnight
even when I had a sick baby.
Oh yes, I remember, it was friends,
good friends that were staying with us for the weekend.
We enjoyed every minute.

357

Multiple thoughts ran through my mind this weekend.
A young couple loosing their first baby.
Such heart ache.
I was glad to hold my sick Little One.

The verse about God’s mercies new every morning…
I’m thankful.

387

Sitting at home on Sunday morning  made me thankful for church
for friends, for community.
We had a snowy Sunday, 2 Sundays in FL
and now a sick Sunday.
It feels like a long time since I’ve seen my people.
What do the people do with no one?

A quote I read:
“Lord, empty me of me so I can be filled with you!’

388

Tonight is…
homework
holding baby
currently some deer hunting happening in the living room
cleaning basement
(this is suppose to be happening now)
((all I hear are loud noises))
the settling of squabbles
an early bedtime
(please come quickly)

2 kids. a doll. a stroller. and boots just flew past my window.
Is Spring actually coming?

If You Take A Boy to Florida…

If you take a boy to Florida,
he will want to go outside and enjoy the warm air.

FL 1

When he goes outside,
he will want to ride his bike.

FL 2

And when he rides his bike,
he will want to ride to the playground.

FL 3

At the playground,
he will see the sand in the volleyball court
and he will want to go to the beach.

When he sees the sand he will remember
that you need sand toys at the beach.

When we get home,
he will hunt up some sand toys.

FL 4

When he finds them,
he will remember that you need
swimming trunks at the beach.

While digging through his suitcase for swimming trunks
he will decide that today is the day
to visit the beach.

FL 5

When we get to the beach,
he will get out the sand toys and begin to play.

When he plays he will remember
building sand castles.

FL 6

When he tries to build a sand castle,
he will remember that you need water for your sand.

He will head down to the shore with his bucket
and fill it with water.

FL 7

On his way across the shore,
he will see sea shells scattered around
and will pick one up.

FL 8

He will see another and another
and continue picking.

He will come back with all his treasures
and asked to go hunt for more.

FL 9

His Daddy will swim him across to a sand bar
and they will find many treasures.

FL 10

While hunting these he will decide
which ones to take home.
All of them.

FL 11

When he gets home,
he will pour over his sea shells,
talk about finding them,
and want to go to Florida again.

FL 12

Florida

We just spent 10 days in the sunny south…
the most wonderful time of the year.
Or was it?
At least the kids think so.

I’m telling you, vacation with kids is hardly vacation.
At least for the mom. (and the dad)
But the kids, oh yes the kids, they would move there.
Life would be grand.
We would go to the beach.
The pool.
The playground.
Eat out.
Relax.
No work.
And live happily ever after.
Ha.

But it was good while it lasted this year.
My children are old enough to handle themselves, no baby crying on my hip while I dig sand out of his mouth and all of that.
Yes, it was good over all.

  

Eric and the kids went exploring back in the woods where he used to roam as a kid.
I trailed along behind avoiding stickery prickery things.
They hollered, “Mom, slide down here too!”
“Um, sorry, don’t think so!”
I know, boring Mom, just that’s what Dad’s are for.

 

We took in the local ski show and it was a hit with this kids.
“You mean people can really do that?”
Wow, you really are sheltered, aren’t you!

 

And they swam and swam and swam.
My aunt has a pool behind her house and it was warm.
Very warm.
And the kids partied hard.
4 hrs at a time some days!
Talk about water logged.

 

Other days we hit the beach and they spent hours in the sand… and loved it.
(unlike their cleany, cleany Mother who would rather not get all sandy)
This was one evening when we went out at 4, a little less hot, less people, and we all enjoyed ourselves more.


 

We hit up a few sea food restaurants… for the most part that was good.
Ate a little gator, then a few days later went to see their relatives. 🙂

 

Any body want to jump in?

 
Bike rides and park fun… Aww the life of a kid.
Vacation at it’s best.
Not a care in the world.

 

We were down with friends of ours and their itty bitty (or not so itty) was a super-duper baby on vacation.
Chilled in his car seat most of the time, snoozing away like I wished to be doing.
Occasionally he woke up and shook his fist and wanted to eat, but usually all was well.

Of course there were pictures at the beach.. just not FL without them.
Or so I think.
(Don’t ask what Eric thinks of that subject)

 

When you add Mr D to the mix of any photos, you never know what you’ll get.
We had about 15-20 min to pull this off and he was in a wild and crazy mood.

 

My little family!
I love them.
Craziness and all, I wouldn’t trade them!

 

And time spent with good friends is the best of times.
Our kids had a party together and we adults had quite a good time ourselves, I must say.

 

No words needed on who is the most mature of this gang.
We mom’s held things together, for sure.

 

And a FL sunset to go home with!
God speaking through the beauty of the earth!

Family Vacation

Aww a good Monday morning to you!
No, I am not normally this chipper on a Monday morning. It’s just a good one cause the bread is rising and as of 9:12am, my baby is still sleeping! THAT is rare, indeed.
And the fact that it’s at least 60 degrees outside helps too!

Of family vacations and such… it was good.
My sister came too. (and her husband cause Eric needed someone to golf with) 🙂
We laid on the beach and warmed ourselves to the bones.
We relaxed. We didn’t cook. We ate out.
We just enjoyed ourselves.
We didn’t even have to chase D.
He just sat there so happily with his little shovel and pail.

He didn’t even taste much sand to my knowledge. 🙂
He loved the water, surprisingly!
The girls played in the sand, buried themselves, swam in the ocean.
Awww it was good.
(except for the grumpy boy evenings from to much sun and lack of sleep)

We golfed.
Or they did.
I chased D with his golf club and ball!

His Daddy gave him a few pointers from time to time.
(when he could catch him)

We swam in the pool.
D was happy to splash and float.
The  girls turned into wrinkled prunes.

We had a picnic on the beach one night and took a few pictures.
The kiddos would have rather run and played in the sand then cooperate.
Actually D didn’t really cooperate. at all. 🙂
But that’s normal.

I love my girls.
They are as different as day and night.
One cries all the time. Nothing makes the other one cry.
One loves to read. The other loves to dress up and whisper secrets to her imaginary Indian friends.
One is ever so careful, cautious and soo sensitive. She cries for everyone else’s hurts.
The other waltzes thru life without a care in the world and could care less about anyone around her.
How do I learn to relate to them both? How do I know how to take care of 2 people so very different?

I love my little family.
Some days I could scream and run for cover.
But then I look at these pictures and know that someday down the road I’ll look back and just wish for this time!
Some day. One day.
Some day when they are teenagers and trying my patience I’ll wish for the days when I could boss them around.
Some day when they are grown and gone I’ll wish for the days of little hugs and goodnight kisses.
But today, I’ll just try to keep from screaming and running for cover!
And love them.

Eric and I had our 11th anniversary while we were on vacation.
I used to think that people married over 10 years were old.
They aren’t anymore. 🙂
We’ve had good times, hard times, but over all, it’s been a wonderful 11 years.
I hope there are many more years.

Tim and Sarita came down for the week too.
I was so glad they could come.
You know how some people are just so comfortable to be around.
A sister is one of those people. Probably the best of those people.
It was good. Fun talks, laughs, walks, and she helped with child control!
I was almost 11 years old when she was born.
I remember thinking that I was cheated out of having a sister to do things with.
I thought I would never get to have fun with a sister like all my friends did.
She was so little, so much younger and just not on my uppity level at all!
But, I wasn’t cheated, now we’re on the same level and we have all the good times you could wish for with a sister.

And my buddy boy!
He totally ran wild that night.
And we let him run.
He would just go for it, running as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him.
He’d look back to see if someone was chasing him, only to trip and eat some sand.
In no time at all, he was back up and running again.
I wonder what I did all the time before I had him!
(He’s still sleeping, by the way. And it’s 10:10am)
We wouldn’t want to imagine life without him!

This has turned into a sentimental post that I was not planning to write, but I’ll go with the flow and let it be what it is.
Enjoy each day, vacation or not, because some day down the road….