Five Years Later

“Don’t forget in the darkness what you have learned in the light.”  
-Joseph Bayly 
“Yet sometimes the darkness descends so thickly that we can barely remember the light.” 
-Phillip Yancey 

Grief, like a cloud, rolls in and fog descends 
to blanket your entire world.  
You lift your eyes and see all silvery-white,  
only a few feet before, everything else is hidden.  
You live in a world submerged, unable to observe,  
to grasp that life is moving on without the one you love.  

They say time heals the pain.  
 Time just soothes the ragged edges,  
but Jesus heals the heart.  

Slowly the morning light pours in and the fog begins to lift.  
You start to see the world around, still living life,  
but you see through new eyes. 
Grief has altered your vision,  
given a new perspective, a changed outlook on life.  
Life is not to be taken for granted,  
those closest, held dear, every day treasured.  

They say hindsight is 20/20,  
but until heaven, we see through a glass darkly. 

While blanketed in the fog, you reach with outstretched arms,  
yearning to feel His love and compassion.  
Without fail they are there, ready and waiting, always. 
When the fog has lifted, you look back and define  
beauty in the moments He gave grace,  
see His strength supplied to climb the next high mountain.  
There was comfort for the days overpowered with tears,  
mercy when we lashed out in anger, 
and peace in the middle of the storm.  

Rather than demanding God answer our “Why?” questions, 
may we instead ask “What would you have me learn?” 

Five years later, 
questions still crowd our minds, queries with no answers. 
We will live with those questions for now,
trusting God’s sovereignty. 
We live understanding that walking a fiery trial 
is not easy, it is not without pain, grief, and days of sorrow.  
Are we better for having walked this road? 
Grief has softened, taught grace, mercy, and love. 
We have learned to cherish, to hold with an open hand.   
We understand how pain and joy co-exist in life.  
Heartache made us wise, suffering strengthened us, 
and we held onto hope, gripping desperately with both hands. 
We walked the fiery trial and we learned to rest in God, 
who holds all things in His hands.  

On the foggiest night pain is real, but so is hope.

6 thoughts on “Five Years Later

  1. This is so true!! I don’t know you but your blog posts about your journey with grief in losing a dear brother is how I found u in the first place. Praying that you feel Gods love all around you today. You NEVER “get over” losing a loved one that was such a huge part of your life..It’s 10 years since my brother was called home just learn to live life differently, love deeper and hug those close to you extra much. And continue to look forward to that GRAND reunion day!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. True words Shannon!! Has this year been extra hard for you too?? I’ve had more times of missing dad this year than I have in maybe the last 2 -3 years and then one day I was talking with Mom and then asked her if this year is harder for her too and she said ya it is. And maybe it’s because of all 2020 brought along with it. Anyway I hope you can feel loved today as treasure the memories of Tristan!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My heart aches as the pain of grief is still so fresh for our family. Thank you for sharing your journey. It makes those who walk through deep grief feel more normal. 💕


  4. Questions with no answers… So true. Grief does change and shape your perspective. My brother also died 5 years ago at age 33… Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast… Blessings to you


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