And lo, the days of quarantine were upon them all
and the tribe of Eric, son of Dan, did reside at home
day after day after day upon day
until day turned into night and into the morning,
with no knowledge of what day may be tomorrow,
neither could they tell what day was this very hour,
from the rising of the sun to the setting thereof.
And behold, while they remained in the house,
they did roam about, searching for things to devour
and the sound of munching and crunching
did fill the ears of all that were in the house.
And the Mother of the tribe did weep and wail in lament,
saying unto herself and to all within hearing,
“How is it that the consumption of food is so great among us?
Shall I go out and sell all that we have to buy bread?
Whatever has overcome thy stomachs
that you believe starvation to be nigh?”
And they answered her not, for they did not observe,
neither did they hear, for the sound of their chewing was deafening.
And so it was, that day after day the mother of the tribe
did lean over the fire, cooking for the children of her youth;
and the consumption of food thereof was great.
There were meats to be grilled, potatoes to be mashed,
squawking chickens to be plucked and cooked,
hamburgers to prepare, while pasta and sauces simmered.
Cookies and pies, breads, bars and cakes,
more cookies, along with fruit and veggies galore.
There was the frying of pancakes and eggs, sausage and bacon,
bowls of cereal, with bagels and muffins for all.
Great dishes of lasagna, heaping piles of chipotle,
pizza and steaks and roast beef with gravy,
along with all the leeks and garlic of Egypt.
Behold, they fared sumptuously every day
and they did all eat but were not filled.
And turning, the mother wiped the sweat from her brow
yet her eyes beheld not the fruits of her labor,
but only the crumbs that remained,
being licked up by the dog.
Disbelief and despair marked her face
and upon seeing her look, her son wailed also,
“Mother, where has all the food gone?
I find nothing at all to eat! Behold, I perish!”
And sitting down, she did put her head into her hands
and sighed greatly, saying,
“My son, I too am begging for an answer to thy question.
Who are the ravishing among us scarfing it up?
For lo, all my work has disappeared, eaten by people
roaming to and fro, looking for what they might devour.
What is this that has come upon us?”
And her cooking spirit did wither and fail,
and she rose from her chair with a heave and a sigh,
proclaiming to all within hearing that
she was weary and worn and in need of much rest.
For never in all of her days had she beheld such a thing,
that the staying home of the tribe
had turned them into ravishing wolves,
scavenging for food to be devoured before the next.
And with the voice of a trumpet, she did declare
them to be filled, fat, and full, and no food was to be eaten
until the serving of the next square meal.
And a great cry arose, but she did drown them out, saying,
“Get out thy books. Home school hath begun!”