Life of Grief

My mind whirls endlessly,
never ending questions without answers,
fighting reality, grasping for hope.

And then without warning, a London fog rolls in
and my mind stops on it’s on accord,
unable to process the most simple things.

Tears push behind my eyes, but refuse to fall.
The next minute tears well up ceaselessly,
a never ending stream.

Life continues to go on around me,
even when I feel like it stopped.

The last few weeks would best be described with a photo a day.
I do have a photo for every day,
but I won’t be sharing them all for various reasons.


On the darkest of days, friends and family rally around to lift you.


The days following the funeral were filled with
shiny stars, beautiful sunrises, sunsets, and much more.


We stood in the lawn one afternoon and watched God
paint a rainbow right before our eyes.


There were days spent in Tris’ shop,
looking through his tools, laughing at his jokes
remembering him in his favorite spot.


Glowing evening sunshine warmed us,
dried our tears, and drew us closer to heaven.


There were quiet evenings around the fire,
reflecting, talking about Tris and all of our good memories.


Tris was a junk food junkie and his work truck was full of snacks.
Sarita and I went to his favorite store and loaded up on his favorite stuff.


More time spent in his shop,
checking out his next projects and remembering better days.


And one last early morning visit,
saying good-bye before I went home.


Blogging may be sporadic until I get my thoughts together again.
I don’t want to bog you down with my mountain of grief,
but neither do I want to write like it never happened.
It has very much effected our lives and changed us forever.

Keep praying for our family,
it looks like Mt Everest was dropped in front of us
and is waiting to be climbed.

14 thoughts on “Life of Grief

  1. My heart aches in understanding. Mt Everest awaits, but take courage; it doesn’t need to be scaled in a day. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other……. and all the emotions of the rainbow along the way….


  2. Yes, a brothers passing away leaves a gaping hole and a lot of pain n grief! I understand. You’ll want to go back ‘home’ every so often (if possible!) n just talk with your family about Tristan… I’m looking back now on how it was for me, after my brother died…i thought about him EVERY day for the next year.Grief is a process we can’t
    get around. God shows His love to us through His children n I wish you many blessings of His care n comfort!


  3. Don’t apologize for writing raw stuff. You are processing grief and the pain completely overwhelms many times. Praying lots and lots of Jesus for you and his precious little family!


  4. Give yourself time to process the grief and never be ashamed of sharing how you feel. It is a very real thing you are facing and life changing. My thoughts and prayers are with you!


  5. My heart aches for you and I can echo alot of the emotion. Somehow know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Dont know whether or not this applies, but 25 years ago, when my Dad died, I was pregnant. And elder son asked many many questions. Was very irritating at times. Later on I realized that that was exactly what I needed at the time to help me process my grief.


  6. Once again, you have such a way with words. I understand this! (Empathize with you) So…. thanks for writing. I pray for you on this journey. Helps me along my journey, to see others “hard” things, makes me not feel so alone and odd…:)


  7. Shannon, my heart hurts for you and your family. I’ve never lost a brother and can only imagine the pain you all are walking through right now! Please know I will be praying for you – that you will know peace and be filled with the certainty that God’s grace is more than abundant for the moments we need it.



  8. Yes! Words don’t even come close to expressing what the heart feels. I am so sorry you have to wade through this River! My prayers surround you as you face a new day and the reality of life. You will get through it!


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